Just as I was beginning

to trust him everything changed. I was beginning to trust Ru's promises that once things were fixed for those trapped that he would leave us in peace. That has all changed. I don't believe him any more. I don't even know if I believe he wants them freed. If he did he wouldn't have hurt Sahli. He would not have put everything that we have done so far to try and help at risk with his childish tantrums. I don't know what to believe any more.

Part of me says that if he really wished to hurt Sahli or me he would. The other part thinks he is playing a game with us like a child plays with a toy tugged on a string. I don't know what to think, and I surely don't know what to believe any longer. I know I grow more frightened. I grow more frightened that I will never have my Mate back. I grow more frightened that I will never have a life with him. I grow more frightened that the dreams of a family, and of the happiness that should be ours will never come true. It will have been stolen by the bitterness of a man that ceased to live a long time ago. It hurts. I control my weeping when Sahli is around. I control it when Ru is around. I don't want to cause Sahli hurt, and I don't want to give Ru the delight he seems to find in that hurt.

I would never step away from Sahli. Not even with all of this that is going on. I love him with all my heart. I just don't know how much longer I can hold on to hope. Each day, a bit more of it dies inside. Each day a bit more of the spark of a dream for a better tomorrow dims. I can't let that happen. I can't let this take that away.

Enough...

is enough.

Spring Comes

With spring comes the migration. It is such a busy, busy time for the tribe. It is time to make sure food for the trip is ready, the wagons are in good repair, the herds are gathered to go, and so many other things. Work from dawn till night, and often far past the coming of the sunset. This is the time of year we have come into now. It looms right overhead, and with it another deadline is coming to a close. I don't know how to help the, I don't know what will free them. It is so crazy, because there isn't much we wouldn't do to resolve this.

I want my mate bad. I want our life back. I want to sleep in peace and night. I want to start our family. His family. My family. Now is not the time. We can't now, because..well just because. I love my mate. I hate seeing him so tormented. We have to fix this. Not just four our sakes, either. We need to fix it for their sakes. What went wrong? What brought this curse to us. Sahli has never hurt anyone, and I have not either.

The dreams need to be listened to. I will speak of them to Sahli. Maybe he can help me make sense of them?

We grow stronger

No matter how strong the love is, if you are not willing to work through the rough times it will fall apart. That is something I have seen happen time and again. People seem to fall apart at the seams when things stop being all soft grass and sweet water. Not Sahli and I. Some might think that we are too early into our life together to have faced any truly hard times, but they would not know what they are talking about. Just because Sahli and I do not bring our woes to the attention of all does not mean we have not faced our share of challenges together.

That is the key, really. We face those challenges together. Hand in hand, and square head on we face what comes our way. We pull closer together not further apart. I think that it makes us stronger both as people, and as a couple. I don't think you can truly enjoy the good without the bad. We have our share of joys and sorrows just as any other couple. We also have each other, and for that I feel blessed.

OOC Post

Due to being rather ill real life, I have not kept up on Jaella's blog. I will do my best to get caught up, and to keep up. I am sorry to those that enjoy reading about her wonderful life.