Sometimes,

love hurts so bad.

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We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find. ~ Unknown

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The day started so wonderfully. Sahli as rested, and he seemed far more himself than he had in quite a while. He even took me to see the wagon. It is almost half done. It is going to be a fine wagon, and it will be plenty large enough for the family that we will have together. It was like watching a dream forming right before my eyes. Why is it that the good moments can not go on forever, or even a bit longer? This moment of joy was simply not to last. It was not to linger to be savored and enjoyed. It was a fleeting glimpse of happiness before the torments began again. No, my mate does not abuse or torment me. He is tormented. He is the one tortured so deeply by things that can not be seen or heard by any but himself.

He is not crazy. Not my Sahli. No, he is simply both gifted and cursed with things that go far beyond my understanding. In these times all I can do is try to ground him. All I can do is try to remind him that he his loved, and that he is not lone. It sometimes feels like I have to shout louder than the voices that he hears in order for him to hear, and even then he does not always believe what it is I say. Today was one of those days. Today was one of those horrible, horrible days that leave me feeling frightened and alone.

I can not share my tears with anyone. They are a private thing that I keep to myself. The fights that might happen between my mate and I are not for the gossip of the fires. What happens between a man and his woman should never be the fuel for the rumor mill. I refuse to make Sahli whispered about more than he already is. I stayed in the wagon, and I worked on a few things. I could not stop crying, though. Sometimes it hurts so much that it feels like I will tear apart and shatter into a million pieces. I wonder, would those pieces grow wings? Would the pieces grow wings to join the butterflies that he claims I rule over? Can the pain fly away on butterfly wings of such vibrant colors to drift away from us forever?

Oh, but I wish it were so simple.