Where I Was

... without darkness
Nothing comes to birth,
As without light
Nothing flowers.
- May Sarton

~~~~~~~~

Those who are close to me have been very careful to avoid bringing it up. Maybe they can tell that I am not ready to talk about it yet. I'm not, and the only I have really spoken to about it has been Sahli. He is my Mate, and he has every right to know what happened to keep me away from him. Fonce also knows a little bit. Maybe one day I will be ready to tell others, but maybe not. Not all stories are meant to be told. Some stories are fine to keep close to ourselves, and within our hearts. This one might be such.

We had gone for a few days, and the reason is not really important now. While we were gone the Kassar came upon our camp. I don't remember how, I just remember waking chained in a wagon. I remember being afraid, angry, and so many other things all at once. They were Kassar! Anyway, I fully expected them to attempt to enslave me, and I fully expected to end up dead because that was not going to happen while I had a Mate waiting for my return! That is not what happened. I was not harmed, but I was not treated like a guest either. They did not seem to know what to make of me since I looked like their Ubara. Not just a vauge resemblance. I look enough like this woman that I think even Sahli would have trouble telling us apart.

I won't lie. I used that to get away from them when they lowered their guard a bit. I pretended to be her. I wore my hair in her manner, and I wore one of her dresses to walk to the kaiila pens. It was there I took the beast that I traded to Canna for my new kaiila Dancer. He was a nasty tempered thing, but he was fast! We made it to the Wagons in amazing time even with him throwing me twice. I have to say that I do fear heading out beyond the wagons by myself. I expect them to be waiting to take me back. I know that Sahli won't let them. I know that Fonce won't either. It doesn't make the worry go away.