Change Affects Everything

I hadn't been sure despite the rumors, but it seems that the rumors are true. T'zuri did submit to Fonce. Part of me is outraged by this, and part of me is angry. Part of me cannot believe a woman I called friend would throw away her freedom like that. I can't pretend to understand, and I won't say that I do. Fonce studied me as he confirmed those rumors, and I looked into his eyes I did figure something out. He is happy. If she is as happy as he is I will accept it. I might never understand it, but I can find my way to accept it. I loved T'zuri like a sister, and she was my best friend. I will mourn the loss of those two things. Nothing will ever be the same between us, and I'm sure that she knows it as well as I do. I am not so selfish as to hate her, or him, for the choices that they made, though.

I have watched Fonce, much like I have watched everyone at the fires. I have seen him seem to be right here, right with us, and yet so often I get from him the sense of someone that is on the outside looking in. He seems, to me, as if he doesn't quite feel as if he belongs, and yet he knows he does. I am sure that some of that is the weight of his responsibility as it rests on his shoulders. He is the Ubar, and that is not a small duty. He carries it well. I am not even thinking that he doesn't. If he has found a small measure of peace and solace from those responsibilities, then I cannot begrudge him that even when I want to.

T'zuri, or now boots as she is called, is not the only change among the First Wagons. It's true, Mayala is gone. From the look of the tracks she is not off wandering, this is no accident. She left us. She left of her own choosing for what ever reasons. Those are reasons I cannot understand, either. At least T'zuri did not abandon her people. She submitted to a man, but she did not turn her back on the Tribe. She is still here, if different. It is like Mayala has died. Her presence is gone in all things and ways. What lays north that is so important, so vital, that she would turn her back on those that she called family? No, that is not something I will ever understand.

The ripples spread. The changes are many. Deaths, submissions, abandonments and betrayals. I do not know when this season of change will ebb. I only hope to ride out its currents as the ripples spread across the surface of our lives. I do know that the Tribe, like me, will weather the changes. We will never be the same, but we will remain always Tuchuk.