Faces and Conversations

I have changed since coming to the First Wagons to seek my place here. I am grateful to Fonce for the chance to prove myself, and for him allowing me to do so with his own brand of quiet encouragement. When I am a bit intimidated by the crowd at the fire is when I notice his encouragement. It comes in a smile and his quiet greeting. It is not much, but it is enough that I know I am not without those that are glad I am there. That is quite enough for me to face another round of putting names to faces. There always seems yet more new names and new faces, and that can be more than a little overwhelming.

Fonce is not the only one that has helped with that. Cana, Falon Mayala, Saresh, T'zuri, Zarina, and even sometimes Polunu. I haven't seen the Bead Maker in some time, and I do hope that Sakmeta is all right. I miss her laughter, and I even miss the flashes of pink that come with her presence. If I don't see her about the fires soon I think I will go to her wagon to see if she is doing well.

I am finding that I have changed just in the short time here. I am still very much me, but I have grown. I do not find the large crowd as intimidating as I once did. I do not mind the voices of many, and it is easier to follow the different conversations that surround me all at once. I am more at peace with myself. I have made new friends, and I have had to say good bye to some of them already. The saying good bye is never easy. I find myself still looking for that plume of dust that heralds that one's arrival, but I don't see it. I know I won't, and yet I look for it anyway. I've watched some of the others, and I know I am not the only one that does it.

My mother asked me a question the other night. Both of my brothers have now claimed women for their own, and she asked me when it would be me being claimed. I told her that it would happen in due time, but that I was in no rush for it to. There is none that have my eye, and I have the eye of none that I know of, either. I am content with that. I truly do believe that I have to be at peace within myself, happy with who I am, before I could enter into a life with someone else for us both to be happy. If one is not then they could unbalance the whole thing, and it could fall apart. I am not ready. At least I know that.